I had to put it somewhere! — Look. You guys know me, right? As you may know, I don't write nearly as much as I used to because I got a job as a sous chef at this prissy ass grill in the Bay area. I absolutely love working there, but yesterday was the second time I…

The hit series that kills me — Have you guys seen the show yet? The bear? I work in the kitchen. Not just as a line cook, but training as a Sous chef. For those of you who work in the kitchen, you already know what I am about to say. For those of you who do…

I’ve been gone a while! Here’s what’s been up — Hello! This is the first thing I’ve written in months. Thank you to all my sexy fucks for continuing to follow my ghost ass. Guess what. Aside from being a sous chef and almost killing myself in the kitchen every day, (think, The Bear,)I have also mastered the art of…

Grade school was meant to destroy us! — I love reading. Except peoples shit on Medium. Maybe a few of you are ok, but the masses suck worse than A janitorial job at a donkey show in Mexico. I know, I know. Sometimes, I write some pretty bullshit crap. But that’s only because sex sells, and I have…

Cue the projectile vomiting — It’s no lie that I write the majority of my articles for men. I love men. I love women too, but not like I love men. To me, modern day feminism has completely deteriorated not only women, but men as well. Masculinity is now toxic, which doesn’t make any sense…

What did I just find in her basement? — I can remember the smell of my grandma's perfume when she’d stroll past my brother and I with an unnatural amount of food. I’m serious, she was Italian. Piles of crepes, sausages, fruit doused in sugar, eggs, and freshly squeezed orange juice. To me, as a child, she was just…

What in the hell did I just read? — Who loves Reddit? I do! I go there to get legitimate advice when Google just wants to advertise the entire fucking world to me, and sometimes I go there just to get a good laugh. And holy fuck… This advice is fucking golden! And a bit terrifying, but definitely worth…

Make sure your toy has a suction cup! — There are so many positions to climax in; for some reason, we only use them when we are having sex. We have no issues with bending over backward, stretching to hell and back, or tying ourselves to bed posts, you get the idea. But when we touch ourselves, we just…

It’s not as simple as you think — Most women suck at hand jobs. Not because they don’t try, but because they aren’t a dick owner. Just like most men can't masturbate for a woman as efficiently. There are so many factors that go into a perfect hand job. Strength. Dryness vs wetness. Twists and turns. Simple vs…